An Open Letter to Barack Obama

Dear Mr. Obama,

First, before I say anything, I must congratulate you for forcibly taking the United States of America's Most Valuable Person award (also known as "The Presidency"). Microsoft better get on their horse to make sure spellcheck doesn't keep telling me that I'm trying to spell Alabama when I spell your name.

You're the big cheese now. Everyday will be a big day for the Obama Family.

But I have a few suggestions/questions/demands which I think you should listen to, because you are Barack Obama, man of the populace of the U.S. I hope that you will seriously consider what I am about to put forth for your consideration, as this considering may lead to more consideration in the future when considering is needed, all things considered, of course.

1. Change the name of the "White House" to the "Obama's Pimp Hideaway"

I think this would be the best way to start your presidency. You would be putting an end to racial insensitivity in Washington, and showing the world that black and white are indeed opposite colors. This has been in question for a while. It also would seriously raise your cool points with me, and let me tell you, you are in some serious trouble right now.

2. Declare School Unconstitutional, and that everyday is "Fair Day"

Self explanatory. But make sure the teachers get new and more lucrative work, such as being secretaries for Steve Jobs. This also increases cool points exponentially.

3. Give everybody a Masters Degree in something or other

Because school is definitely not worth it.

4. Declare "Negro Awesome Day" on July 3rd

Here's the deal, Barack. Your black. Everybody knows this. So why don't you help your race? Since you are Dictator Of the World, you could raise awareness of how minorities (but mainly the black kind) have helped make the world a more awesome place. Then we could totally have a two-day Festabration honoring black people and America. Cool Points skyrocket.

5. Make your book Blueprint For Change equal to the Bible

Then we all wouldst know what thy talkest about, O mighty one.

6. Change the Name of America to "The United States of Katurday"

COOL POINTS ASPLOSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This concludes my suggestions. I think if you will follow this blueprint for change, you will be the most uber cool president ever, and like, everybody will love you, and young impressionable teenagers who want a president who they feel can emotionally guide the country will worship you, and put bumper stickers with your name on it on their cars that their parents paid for, and massive amounts of otherwise rational people will dump their "old fashioned" ideas for your oh-so-progressive new ones, which sound a bit like socialism to me, maybe not even a bit, kind of a lot, wait, your not a socialist are you, because if you were I'd have to tootally be a socialist too, cus if you're doing it, then I have to, because you're like, the greatest speaker ever or something, even though I'm too young to have ever heard anybody else with a mastery of rhetoric, so I wouldn't know if you we're good or not, and do you like Kanye West, because I do and you're so hip and cool I thought that maybe you'd like totally be into his music and stuff, and I love you, because you are going to be the president of the freaking u.s. ohemgee I can't even believe it I'm so going to tell my kids about you when I have them, or maybe I won't because I wont have any kids because I got abortions, and then my life is a total wreck, but you're still cool and stuff, and do you prefer peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or peanut butter and honey?

There. I said it.

Sincerely,
john
aka awesomeman

p.s.
You're not gay, right?


Send your mindless dribbling idiotic prattle to
renegadedufunk@gmail.com