Country Music: A Large-Scale Joke, or a Lab Test Gone Horribly Wrong?

Quick question: who is the greatest musician of all time?
If your answer was Pat Green, George Strait, or Johnny Cash, then you my friend are in for a wild ride.
I thought, that since this is the first post on music here, it would be good to get this out of the way, so nobody is confused:

The Country genre is the worst excuse for music. Ever.

It is worse than pop-hip/hop and hair metal. It is the either the biggest joke the music industry has ever attempted to dupe the world with, or the product of some lab testers in Arizona who were trying to fuse folk with god-knows-what-else. I prefer to take the more optimistic side and just pretend that it was good natured chuckles-a-lot joke between friends gone horribly wrong.

But I might be too kind.
Let's get on to the...well, I can't call it music, because it's not. What shall I call it? The grating, repetitive, mindless, uneducated, pseudo-folk sound which seems to emit from the depths of hell (namely Nashville), is almost beyond description. It insults the massive folk tradition of America, while in turn making a mockery of popular music. Bands like Rascal Flatts, Toby Keith, Keith Urban, and Cross Canadian Ragweed (they actually have their own hanging tree, but more on that later) are in fact the most prime example of how an industry can mass-produce crap at an astonishingly speedy rate.

First and foremost, Country's number one mistake (and yes, it is a fatal one) is that they lay claim to America's folk tradition, as well as the "fact" that they are an American-created genre. Oh-ho! Tell me where you find America's folk tradition in the massive chart-topping single from Kenny Chesney, "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy":

"She thinks my tractor's sexy/
It really turns her on/
She's always staring at me/
While I'm chuggin along/
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land/
She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan/
She's the only one who really understands what gets me/
She thinks my tractor's sexy"

It would seem obvious as to why Radical Islam thinks America is full of pigs.

America's folk tradition lies within the storytellers of the early blues era (eg: Lightnin' Hopkins, John Lee Hooker, Hound Dog Taylor, B.B King, etc...) and the jazz greats (Aaron Copeland, George Gershwin, Duke Ellington). It does not reside in the songs of hicktown. Songs like "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy", "Alcohol", "Life is A Highway", and "Jesus, Take the Wheel" are absolutely and utterly ridiculous.

First, their classification as "Country" is in serious question, because it sounds to the sane ear like pop with a ridiculously annoying twang. Second, the songs lack any original thought pattern (if any actually exists) and are poorly constructed and executed. Third, the actual instrumentation relies so heavily on the use of pedal-steel guitar and/or fiddle to create a "country-like" atmosphere that it seems as if your drowning in a wall of sound that is both unsatisfying and downright absurd. Fourth and most importantly, the singing is average at best, but most often sub-par and infuriating. No, Carrie Underwood is not a awesome singer. Her voice has such a massive amount of post production tweaking on it, that I'd bet if you heard the original mix, you would be astonished at how unpolished she sounds.

If your one of those cretins who say, when asked what kind of music they like, "Oh I like country...but not the new kind, the old stuff", then you are a low form of being. That is bull and everybody knows it.

People seem to revere Johnny Cash, George Strait, Willie Nelson, and selected others not worth mentioning here as true masters of "Country-Folk" or "Folk-Country" or "Country-Rock". The awe and admiration that stems from a basic level of stupidity for these men is incredible. None of them can sing, Willie Nelson couldn't tell a story to save his life, and Johnny Cash is dead, god rest his soul. I believe the reason these men are so highly regarded by the music community is that they were all raging alcoholics and/or drug users at some time, which elevates any amateur songsmith into a music god almost overnight (eg: Kurt Cobain, Pete Dohtery).

The culture of Country does not make sense. To the average man, beer, women, and tractors do not constitute normal everyday procedure, although he may dream about some sort of odd combination of all three in his fantasies. Country does not make sense because it is a unsustainable lifestyle that the stars of country promote, much akin to the thug lifestyle which rappers apparently have. Their presentation of themselves in their videos and pictures are almost comical and circus-like.
Here is an example:



case and point.
They are not rebels. They are not "The True Patriots". They are not artists.

So in conclusion,
much more could be said about how Country is destroying our society, raping our churches, burning our women, and provoking terrorist attacks, but I would be wasting my precious time. I believe I have given a thoroughly deserved and fair thrashing to this deplorable genre. If you have anything to add/comment/spout upon send emails, as always, to

renegadedufunk@gmail.com